I was riding the tram home from work today when I witnessed a man beating his girlfriend in public.
When this happened I was listening to "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" on my brand-non-specific portable listening device. "Wait, Wait..." is a show that not only keeps me smiling, it often gets me to laughing out loud. I take an extra bit of pleasure in listening to this show while riding BKV (Budapest Public Transit). It is uncommon to see a person over the age of twenty smiling while riding public transit in Budapest. The Hungarians are not a smiley people. So when Peter Sagal and the gang get me to laughing, I am reminded that while I have been living here for some time now, I still maintain some of the hope and optimism that history has robbed from so many Hungarians. I'm different from these people, and - at least in some ways - this is a good thing.
But when the raised voice of a twenty-something Gypsy intruded into my enjoyment of NPR's humorous news quiz, I was forced to face an uncomfortable truth. I wasn't looking when the first slap landed.
The woman stood next to me, but I took no notice until her boyfriend started yelling. He said something along the lines of, "Who the fuck do you think you are?" I looked up in time to see the follow through.
My blood started to boil.
Her grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the nearest door. And as everyone on the tram waited for the next stop, he gave her two more open handed smacks.
I wanted to act. I had at least twelve centimeters on the guy. Even if he was strong, I had physics on my side. But I stood, and I waited for the uncomfortable violation of human decency to get off at the next stop.
I've been kicking myself all day, and while I can't blame anyone other than myself for my own inaction, I can't help but feel that my time in Hungary has left me less likely to act in such situations.
So many of the people here fail to see the point standing up against what’s clearly wrong. The idea that one person's fortitude can change the way of the world has been pissed on by both history and politics. This has left an atmosphere of apathy that is hard to overcome.
Now, I realize that if I had stepped in today on the tram, I wouldn't have made that man a better person. He wouldn't have seen the light simply because someone stayed his hand this one time. But I would have shown him that such behavior cannot be tollorated in public. I would have shown him that for so many people to live together is such a tiny space, we must draw a line. I just wish I wasn't writing this in the subjunctive. I hope that next time I will act in the moment.
8 comments:
Hogan,
Hearing these kinds of accounts reminds me how sheltered my life is, despite some attempts to make it a little less so. . .
Not that my 2 cents is worth much, but I still think there's something to be said for the leadership by example thing and knowing you would never behave like that in public.
And I LOVE "Wait, Wait." I used to listen every Saturday morning when I cleaned my house. Now I miss it often, but listen online when I can. It makes the world feel pleasantly smaller to know you are listening in Hungary.
There is a very good reason that the other passengers didn't react.
Thankfully you didn't either - while you are a bit taller, the probability that this gypsy 'gentlman' had a knife on his person and moreover, the willingness to use it, is very high.
Who knows? Maybe she deserved it???
That is a joke. A sick one, but a joke.
some guy in milwaukee got stabbed recently after helping a bartender remove a customer from a bar. after the two removed the 60 year old for what ever reason, most likely being a drunk, the 60 year old came back and stabbed the patron.
you must of course do what you feel is right. (obi-wan)
i've only ever confronted someone regarding animal cruelty. back in austin i saw my neighbor two doors down shooting at birds with a pellet gun. this really pissed me off, the guys was easily in his twenties and should have gotten that out of his system when we was 10. but i didn't confront him then, it happened later that week. i had this party at my house, all of us were out in my backyard, i was well drunk, i had just been hosed down with a garden house cuz i was jumping the fire, when i saw that the bird killer was having a party of his own. so i immediately changed from party chumpo, to angry gunna tell someone off chumpo. i jumped two fences, and told the guy off with many explatives. his girl friend even tried to stand up from him telling me the birds were like rats or something, she got a piece of my sailors mouth too. after about 3-5 minutes of laying into this bird killer, friends from my party came over all pulled me away.
months later i ran into jason, aka bird killer on the street infront of his house. i apologized for all the swearing and being a angry drunk. he stopped me, and told me that it wasn't necessary to apologize, that he was sorry for killing birds, and that he stopped after the confrontation.
I'm not comfortable with the idea that a hypothetical knife is reason enough to allow someone to beat a woman in public.
In fact, I'm more than uncomfortable with that. While I know it would have been foolish to physically restrain a man who had no qualms about smacking another person in public, I also know I should have said something.
If the people of a society don't enforce social contracts, then those contracts are not binding.
"I can't help but feel that my time in Hungary has left me less likely to act in such situations. So many of the people here fail to see the point standing up against what's clearly wrong. The idea that one person's fortitude can change the way of the world has been pissed on by both history and politics. This has left an atmosphere of apathy that is hard to overcome." Indeed. This is why-after the protesters have all gone home (or on paid holiday)-Europe needs the "American Gun-Slinger" after all.
Hi Hogan,
I could relate to this post as a person to has lived strangely in strange lands, and knows how it feels to be an outsider and "different from these people" There have been situations in foreign cultures were I have not acted in defiance, where in a more familiar setting I would have. Part of it may be so called "cultural relativism" or a hesitation to act rashly in a culture I don't fully understand. I understand why you wanted to act, but I also would have chosen not to get involved.
Of course Im not saying that beating women should be acceptable in any culture, it should not. The only question is, are my actions that I believe to be right acceptable and do they help or hurt the situation. I don't think staying his hand would have helped anyone, and could have left several people hurt, or worse.
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